Your husband is the one you’ve committed your heart to…for better or for worse. Just as we, as wives, want to be loved, admired and adored, your husband is a man who has a natural desire to be YOUR love. Your hero.
But we’re busy. Oh my goodness, we are BUSY. Whether it be a job, laundry, kids, appointments, or cleaning – there is always something that requires our attention. Sometimes, even stopping to eat lunch is a rarity.
Let me encourage you to take time to focus on your husband. Commit to loving and serving him more intently and passionately.
If you were to look back over the last few days, how many ways did you take a moment to focus on your husband?
1. Be accepting
When my husband and I first got married, I was frustrated by all the things he didn’t do. He didn’t bring home flowers or buy me little tokens of his ardent love. But there are a million and a half ways he shows me love in his own way: how he rubs my back or legs after I’ve been walking around all day, how he washes the dishes or unloads the dishwasher, his willingness to cook or the way he’ll keep the kids entertained while I make dinner. When you find yourself feeling discouraged by all the things he doesn’t do, try making a list of all the things he does. And never underestimate the value of loyalty and faithfulness.
They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. My husband has a major sweet tooth and loves just about anything with chocolate or peanut butter in it. I don’t always have a lot of time to bake and I’ll be the first to admit it – my husband is waaay better at it. He has an incredible level of patience that can leave anyone jealous, especially me. All jealousy aside, it says a lot when I take the time out to plan a meal he loves or bake him cookies or granola bars. My efforts tell him I’m thinking of him and want to please him.
3. Just say it
Sometimes we just need to hear it. “I love you.” There are couples that go days without saying these three little words. Say it! Even if it feels weird, just say it. Say it in the morning before he leaves for work, send him a text during the day, say it when he comes home and say it before you fall asleep. Do not let your day go by without saying “I love you.”
4. Don’t point out his faults
I cannot stress this enough. Telling your husband all the ways he is doing something wrong is such a mistake. There are ways you can suggest he do something without tearing him apart or breaking him down. I’ve watched wives point out their husbands faults in front of their friends and family and it makes me cringe. Your husband wants to be the provider for the home and the rock for his family. To point out ways he’s not measuring up to your ideals is a severe blow to his manhood. To do it in front of people is beyond embarrassing. Which leads me to number 5.
5. Build your husband up
I thrive on recognition and love to be told I’m doing a great job. It’s part of my love language. This being said, I love to build my husband up by recognizing all the things that make me love him. I thank him when he does the dishes or helps me cook. I tell him how proud I am of him for getting up and working out (especially when he doesn’t feel like it). I point out his best attributes and I make it known that I’m proud to call him mine. Yes, I brag on him.
I don’t agree with wives getting together and sitting around complaining about their husbands. I understand there are times when we may need a sympathetic ear or advice, but I just can’t agree with sharing our husbands faults and shortcomings with our family and friends. If you need someone to talk to, I encourage you to seek out your pastor and his wife. Remember this, your words will influence their opinions of your husbands – be them accurate or not. Seek out someone you can trust to remain unbiased and who will be able to offer you wisdom and suggestions.
6. Do something for him
For a while, mowing the lawn was a real task for my husband. Spending 45 minutes outside cutting the grass would leave him miserable for 2-3 days. Seasonal allergies. So, for several months I would take the kids outside and mow while he was at work. Sometimes, before trash day I’ll have all the recycling and trash sitting next to our front door, just to make it easier on him. I also like to keep his clothes washed, ironed and organized, occasionally laying them out for church on Sunday morning. There are days I’m not as consistent as I’d like to be, but these little gestures really do make a difference. Thankfully, my husband understands when I’m having “one of those days” (or weeks) and patiently works with me.
7. Bring him something to drink
This may seem really simple, but it is so firmly planted in my being I have to share it with you. As a kid, I remember watching my mother through the window. She would stop whatever she was doing and take a large glass of iced tea outside to my dad. She’d stand there while he took a drink then sit it on a table where he could get to it. Throughout the Bible, women are shown drawing water from the well. It was a lot of work! Thankfully, it’s no longer that difficult. Bringing your husband something to drink is a simple gesture, but it’s a beautiful way to say “I love you”.
8. Write him a love note
I’m not always fully awake and functioning when my husband leaves in the morning. So sometimes, my “love you” comes out a little muffled and gravelly. Every now and then I like to hide a note in my husbands socks or shoes. It doesn’t have to be extravagant, just a little post-it note telling him something sweet…or naughty. (gasp!) He loves it.
9. Be appreciative.
Appreciate your husband. You are blessed! Thank him when he does things for you. Sometimes I’ll throw a load of clean laundry on the couch, go back to switch the loads and return to find my husband sorting and folding. Recognize it and tell him thank you. The right words at the right time go a long way to getting lasting results! Yes, feel free to quote me on that. Letting my husband know that he is being particularly helpful clues him in. Let’s face it – men aren’t mind readers! Now that he knows how to help, he does so more often. Appreciate all the ways your husband lends you a hand and let him know it doesn’t go unnoticed.
10. Ask him to pray
For the longest time, we didn’t pray together at night. That changed the first night we brought our little girl home. We sat there watching her, all 5 lbs and 13 oz, just soaking in the newness and fragility of life. I was overwhelmed with anxiety and asked my husband if we could pray. So we did. Every night until forever. Praying together each night before we fall asleep has connected us in so many ways. We lay it all out, our blessings, our mutual needs, hopes and dreams. It draws us closer and keeps the spiritual focus of our life on what really matters. Asking my husband to pray was a simple way to encourage him to step fully into his role as the leader of our home.
I admit, after a long day of cleaning up toys, doing laundry, and wrangling kids, being sweet and loving doesn’t always come easy for me. However, I do work at it because I know the influence I have over our relationship. I know that making my husband feel loved and appreciated is the best way to encourage him to be the best he can be.
“An excellent woman [one who is spiritual, capable, intelligent, and virtuous], who is he who can find her?
Her value is more precious than jewels and her worth is far above rubies or pearls.
The heart of her husband trusts in her [with secure confidence], And he will have no lack of gain.
She comforts, encourages, and does him only good and not evil All the days of her life.”
So wives, cultivate and nurture your relationship with your husband. Commit to loving him more intently and passionately than you did yesterday and the day before. I trust you will find it well worth your time.